on the ins & on the outs of life. Let me be clear, being able to lead and follow in conversations, and direct them won’t be enough. We will eventually find ourselves on the outs. This is the death of an individual; we are group animals after all if we don’t get along with it there will be trouble.
Being able to lower the person’s guard and get them eating is a power play. Having them out of sight and thinking of the path of least resistance isn’t. We constantly have to contend not just with reality but optics. Optics will on average beat out what the recipient wants, surprisingly grown men and women fall the hardest for peer pressure.
Competing in the Space of Optics is what decides if we are on the ins or the outs. (I hear what you are saying I too wish it was about Substance!) If people see something that won’t alienate them and rewards them, they will gravitate to that. However if propositioned with something that would make them happy although a price has to be paid that is push back.
Why we switch up
Being yourself slowly becomes a death by a thousand cuts, being an authentic idiot is very much an American-ism: In Russian they would call it being a useful idiot. Understanding that a son will act differently towards his parents, then towards his lover isn’t switching up. This is where the fault lines lay in interpersonal relationships.
These lines include working relationships and hints naturally political. We face these things with cognac, good looks and laughter. Substance is a secondary consideration, we have to initially survive before we can be seen for who we are by our peers. This all alone is in a vacuum that doesn’t yet include Chinese whispers, salacious gossip, and instigators.
Being on the ins
Let’s call this the pre-wining and dining, here is an example: I like morning coffee, two shots of espresso vanilla syrup and milk with a few ice cubes. This is one of my favorite things on earth.
Some people really like a rare steak, with steak cut fries. I personally think steak cut fries are for monsters and heathens, but I have them when one particular friend comes over. This type of receptiveness is really important because it isn’t just the steak fries. It is also what is going on with his wife and how his kids are doing.
Easing these social fault lines and catering to people makes everyone’s blemishes smaller. This facilitates being on the in.
When you are on the ins people look at you and people check in, their demeanor is warm. They know your hobbies and acknowledge you.
Being on the outs
People don’t know what you like in the morning if you can believe it! this is the on the ins & on the outs of life.
You show up to something school or work and people don’t care to bring up your interests or are receptive. People don’t remember what you have told them.
Whatever you clearly say gets misinterpreted, and small faults get the spotlight on them. Trying to appease issues are looked at as weakness
When you are on the outs people you have known your whole life will abandon you. Will leave you on read and look the other way when you walk their way.
Dealing with it
Don’t think of it, with how limited time is, what naturally happens is a self sorting process. The answer isn’t being a deadbeat who works at a bar, I know that because I have done that. Choose what will make you happy and find the ins with people that agree with you. This is the closest thing you can get to in the form of unconditional love.
Just let life run its course, each consecutive decision will not just make it easier to distinguish the lines. The more you get in the habit of observing them you will draw the natural conclusion that they aren’t of equal value.
