I revile telling people what’s on my mind, there is no getting around this and this was before hormones. It’s not just a woman thing, it’s really a me thing. So you might ask how do you say anything, how do you describe that you want Starbucks. While once I came across a grandma from the Caucasus and I could tell because of her garb. Her accent was so thick that neither English nor Russian could be conveyed. Yet she lived in America for two decades, you know how this woman could live so well in a land she didn’t know the tongue of? This woman could play one mean game of charades. 

I’m constantly in the midst of trying to decide to have faith in words or the body language of the person. Often enough I decide neither, and opt for my intuition. What kind of predicament is this? I heard from a babushka clearly and was able to take her at her word and have faith in this person I couldn’t literally understand. There are a lot of people who are the opposite.

Often and without good reason, I find myself questioning people. Only to find that there are playing cards in my hand too. There is nothing worse than this type of stand off. The correct answer is always to know their hand. While guarding your own hand. This sounds like a trusting and healthy environment, the first word that comes to mind is forthright. The real answer to this problem is to play the game while the other isn’t aware of the game. 

Coy is the name of the game, and the wet dream is if you find something that they don’t know about themselves. Following this new information you want to exploit it, it is the natural thing to do. Here is a way, look for a discrepancy while paying attention to where the seams end. Where their actions are clearly different then what they say. The correct thing to do when you notice such a discrepancy is not acknowledge it directly. that will put them into a state where they feel like they need to justify a contradiction then they will get defensive.

Read the tea leaves, importantly don’t rush things. You want to have them to passively reveal the information that you believe is at odds with who they are. Then slowly lean into the belief that they hold. With sleight of hand then you press at what would make them happy. The situation where you would use this is when you know what’s best for the other person. 

There are just pesky and miscellaneous things like the statute of limitation, or common decency, and even the person’s own awareness. These things can be hindrances and you need to handle with care, people that you feel strongly about aren’t replaceable. The people you care about can go away and you can feel at a loss. This isn’t just about passion but stability. I have never known a person who rested their head in a bed with a person they didn’t love and experienced a deep sleep. 

Things people will naturally be on guard to protect that you need to learn how to circumvent

If there is a strong sense of culture or religious fervor, you will have to learn how to not scare them. This is equally strong with culture as religion; it is connected to family and their support network. This is a delicate thing that has to be worked with over a long period of time.

It goes without saying, don’t ever try to pull them down, always try to support them. If you are standing between them in safety they will discard you. Being with an older person while being underage is an example. There is no collateral on your end. It is on your partner’s end. It’s very unfair.

Lastly don’t over commit, some people don’t wish for your affection. It’s better to move on and find someone who is older or younger and better for you. There will always be people right outside of your grasp, it doesn’t mean the grass is greener.

When we are over stimulated, be it with physical attraction or stress that a paper is due. The natural response is to fall into a binary pattern of thinking that is zero sum. The answer really is if you like someone at school and they don’t like you, it’s not that you will be alone. It’s that you will go to the town over and meet a similar person who falls into your preferences. It is a very hard thing accepting unrequited love on your end; it’s even more painful to fill your bed with a person you don’t adore.