After you go on the best night of your life, you have to drive home. Then you have to brush your teeth and lay in bed worrying until you pass out. That short lived happiness is met in the morning by the realization that you forgot to fill your gas tank the night before. Gosh, you were just so happy that you forgot, now you’re beating yourself up and thinking about how worthless you are. Whatever happiness you experienced has been shattered by your lack of planning and foresight.
This may sound like an absurd, comical bit. And it is. However, there are bits of wisdom in this parable; We have all made ridiculous mistakes, and then like normal human beings we constantly repeat those same mistakes. Then, maybe weeks or years later, we have a conniption and proclaim that we’ll never do it again. We walk away for a few days. Then we drink a beer, watch a few videos about it, and figure out how to do it again.
This is pretty healthy until it isn’t
This pattern of behavior could explain any number of things. However, for the sake of not getting too ambitious, let’s work through a specific example that you are likely to encounter in your life.
If you are ever going to have a romantic partner, what is the first thing that you should not do? Simply put, don’t punish the ignorant. If someone is hiding that they don’t know how to do something, don’t bash them for it. Instead teach them, and when you come up short in life experience, ask them for help. By doing this, both you and you partner learn.
However, there is another, more popular way to approach this same issue. Keep in mind, this alternative is the exact opposite of what you should do. Many women have the ability to easily “date up” in age, and consequently they often opt to “date up” in experience as well. Instead of finding love, they find a fix for their car, their washing machine, and their living arrangements. Then, once they have exhausted the list of things they can procure from their partner, they’ll find something he doesn’t know how to do, and berate him on it. Thus, she has successfully made him lose face and feel humiliated. This is why the majority of men walk around pretending to know everything.
Relationships like these lose their charm very easily, and are very hard to get out of. Any sensible person would be better off trying to find decent platonic relationships instead. In romantic affairs, there are so many unforeseeable circumstances that can cause disputes between you and your partner. You are better off alone than fighting with your spouse. A woman once told me, “you want to marry your second husband, on the first go around.” She was a very wise lady.
The two extremes of safety
Consider: A nice older woman who is patient, and understanding your faults. She is interested in you because she likes who you are as a person, and who you will become. The fact that she is dating a person with less experience is immaterial. There is nothing fast about this, nor will anything happen overnight, but whenever you’re met with troubles or doubts, you can go to them for an insightful response. This is deeply intimate and reassuring.
If we contrast this hypothetical woman with how some partners would rather tear you down, it seems like a no-brainer. Instead of dredging the dating pool, we look up in age. Or, heaven forbid, we bring a person up to us and show them the ropes. This isn’t necessarily tied to age, but the reality is that people with less worldly experience are often younger.
So logically, the last thing we need to talk about is being an older woman. (It’s almost like we have gone full circle here.) Imagine perching yourself on a tall mountain, and looking through your binoculars; you don’t see any deals worth taking. Then it occurs to you to look further down. Suddenly, you see a young man who hasn’t yet learned to fly. He is nervous, looking for help, and maybe even wants a gal to call mama. In this situation it might be wise to rob the cradle. By helping him, he will come to associate you with his own burgeoning confidence and worldly successes.
It’s quite evil, I know.
